Has anyone spotted the Zeppelins yet? I ask because it’s clear that the USA is experiencing a full on incursion from a Nazi timeline. That’s the only way I can explain actual Natzi’s marching in the streets with neither hoods nor masks and then being surprised when this doesn’t go well for them.
It’s almost possible to feel sorry for these travelers from another realm trapped in a world that doesn’t work the way they thought it did. They stumble around, expecting their violence to go unpunished, expecting to be lauded for their crimes, smearing their victims with insults that the world regards as nonsensical and when all else fails pretending not to be Natzis
Because let us not forget that these are Natzis. These are people who believe that some people aren’t people and that makes it totally ok to exterminate them. Even in their homeline they are arsholes without a single redeaming feature. They’re just used to getting away with it.
So what do we, the right thinking descendants of people who fought a war to put these arseholes back in their box, do about this?
We fight. We fight the very idea that it’s ok to be a Natzi. We enforce consequences. We remove the possibility of wearing a swastika all weekend and then pretending not to be a reprehensible piece of shit all week. When someone gets all uppity that no-one is condemning leftist violence let us pause briefly to point out all the times when people did condemn it before asking them if they have a problem condeming actual fucking Natzis. We show up to protest. We make it clear where the line is drawn and which side of it we are on.
Those of us who benefit from white privilege should weaponise that privilege. If someone has to tear down monuments then let it be those of us who will be charged with a misdemeanor not shot by some cop with a twitchy trigger finger. Let those of us who look like the imaginary Ayran master-race be the first to strike down the very idea of white supremacy.
One last thing before I let you go. While it is absolutely morally correct to punch a Natzi (but only if they really are a Natzi) it is illegal unless they attack you first. If you punch a Natzi you could be arrested, charged and convicted. So maybe don’t do it if you have people relying on you or if you can’t afford the conviction on your record.
More Zeppelin references
+++PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP CALLED NEW HAMPSHIRE A “DRUG-INFESTED DEN” DURING PHONE CALL WITH MEXICAN PRESIDENT, JANUARY+++
+++TRUMP SAID,”I WON NEW HAMPSHIRE BECAUSE NEW HAMPSHIRE IS A DRUG-INFESTED DEN” AND “KIDS ARE BECOMING ADDICTED TO DRUGS BECAUSE THE DRUGS ARE BEING SOLD FOR LESS MONEY THAN CANDY,”+++HE CITES MEXICO AS THE SOURCE FOR THE SUPER CHEAP DRUGS+++
+++NEW HAMPSHIRE RESIDENTS OBJECT TO THE PRESIDENT’S CHARACTERISATION OF THEIR STATE AND POINT OUT THAT ALTHOUGH HE WON THE REPUBLICAN PRIMARY HE LOST BOTH THE POPULAR AND THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE VOTE IN THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION+++
Ok, that last bit was me joking but the rest of the story appears legit. There is a genuine opiate problem throughout the US and New Hampshire has been particularly badly hit with a tenfold increase in deaths from opiate overdose from 2011 to 2015. I don’t think this increases the chances of Zeppelin sightings since this is clearly a long standing problem however it does suggest a new runner in the apocalypse stakes.
Apocalypse watchers I give you the Drug Apocalypse. This is the apocalypse where an increasing reliance on drugs blinds the lower classes to class iniquity and allows the super rich to hijack democracy leading to an inevitable societal breakdown. It’s the only possible explanation for the drugs being so cheap. If the super rich weren’t subsidising the drugs there’s no way that they could be cheaper than candy.
There’s now a page on the blog collecting all the Zeppelin related material: Zeppelins!
+++AGGRESSIVE SQUIRREL TERRORISES BROOKLYN+++PROSPECT PARK ATTACKER OF FIVE STILL AT LARGE+++AUTHORITIES UNABLE TO CAPTURE ‘NINJA SQUIRREL’+++
+++HEALTH DEPARTMENT WORK ON THE ASSUMPTION THAT THE SQUIRREL IS RABID+++IMMUNOLOGIST SUGGEST IT MAY HAVE ‘FURIOUS’ VARIANT OF RABIES+++
A potentially rabid animal biting a person is no joking matter. However the idea of a New York park in lockdown because of a squirrel that the authorities can’t catch is straight out of an issue of Unbeatable Squirrel Girl.
The current Zeppelin forecast for New York City is 17%. This might seem low but every version of New York is pretty weird. We suggest you also keep an eye out for a curvy young canadian with buck teeth who goes by the name ‘Dorreen Green’ and clams to be studying Computer Science. Render her any assistance she requires and she will solve the crisis.
Furthermore the mention of ‘Furious Rabies’ leads to a 3% increase in the local chance of a zombie outbreak. Stay safe out there.
Further explanation of the Zeppelin Forecast is here.
Previous forecasts for Alaska, Colorado, Florida, Global and the USA/Mexico border.