2018 Diet Update 1

I have lost 1.3kg ( just over 2 and a half pounds). I’m sure some of that is fluid because I had one day of wearing compression tights before the weigh-in.

I haven’t been paying that much attention to the calories but I have been careful about my food choices, particularly around the proportion of carbohydrates. I’m not happy with my eating yet. I’m not tracking my food carefully enough and I doubt that I’ll be able to keep on losing weight like this.

I’ve talked before about how important preparation is to sticking to a food plan. If you don’t get the shopping right then you’re setting yourself up to fail. This week we did get the shopping right but having the right food in the house is not enough on its own. My head isn’t in quite the right place for sticking to this diet and I’m not sure what’s wrong.

Maybe the problem is that I’ve been so angry for the last few weeks. Women are often socialised to eat our feelings and anger is probably the least acceptable emotion for women to express. Or maybe the problem is that everything just feels futile at the moment.


Diet Update 15

This will probably be the last diet update of 2017. This week I lost 0.8kg which is just over a pound and a half. That’s pretty good given that for the last two days I’ve shifted from weight loss eating to weight maintenance eating. I plan to stay in maintenance mode till the new year.

The maintenance version of my eating plan has more calories and less focus on restricting carbohydrates but is still lower carb than I would normally eat and I’m still tracking all food. I will also be consuming alcohol which is something I’ve barely done since September. Booze is high in calories and drunk people make poor food choices which is why I’ve been avoiding it. I’m not going to go overboard though. We’ve already bought in all the drink we’ll have between now and the new year.

My total weight loss for the year now stands at 12.3 kg (27 pounds or just a pound short of 2 stone). That’s pretty good. I mean you can’t really see it except for in my face and hands. I had hoped that by now I’d be slightly slimmer round the middle since my waist is one of the places that there shouldn’t be Lipoedema fat but so far no luck.

I intend to start my exercise plan between Christmas and the New Year. Wish me luck.

Diet Update 10

This week I lost half a kilo (just over a pound).

Probably. It might have been more but I forgot to weigh myself first thing becuase I had to get up first thing and shout at the bank and then go out and get money and then eat something. Then come back home and weigh myself. Then move the scales because the corner was slightly cocked on the mat and it was claiming that I’d lost 3 kilos,

Also I’m menstruating* which might mess it up. So really this week’s weight should be a line of question marks.

Lessons from this week include that I can eat at Wagamama while keeping it low carb and that Costa’s new breakfast bars are low carb enough for me to eat as long as I’m careful for the rest of the day.

I’m trying to be more active but Goddammit it hurts. As I write this I have a muscle spasm in my right forearm that is constantly reminding me that my life sucks and it will never be easy. Typing with an arm spasm is no fun at all but if I expected life to be fun I probably should have been born in an entirely different body.

*Anyone who is shocked that I, an adult woman, have publicly mentioned the fact that my uterus is bleeding probably needs to back away from their device. You would not believe the stuff that’s on the internet.

Last update. Diet page.

Diet Update 9

This week I lost 0.7kg ( just over a pound). That takes my total weight loss on this diet up to 9.5kg (21 lbs or about a stone and a half).

This week I learned that I can have a cheat day and still lose weight but only if I’m defining a cheat day as one where I stay under my calorie limit while not caring about the carbs. Maybe. I was well under the calorie limit though. That’s good news because it means that if I fancy cinema popcorn or a sandwich then I can have that just not every week and I still have to be careful.

I’m still using the coffee trick and it really does work even with decaf. But I’m drinking high quality ground coffee which makes it feel more like an indulgence and less like I’m punishing myself.

As I said last week my referral to the leg ulcer clinic turned out to be useful. The nurse there is referring me to Vascular so they can check on the state of my veins and then to a specialist physiotherapist for massage and compression wraps. The goal is to reduce the size of the affected areas and then get made to measure compression garments. She also prescribed a moisturiser because dry skin on the affected areas can lead to cracking and infection.

For the first time since I heard about lipoedema it seems certain that I do have it and there is a plan to deal with it. I have to keep on the diet though.

Last Update. This Fucking Diet.

Diet Update 7

I have lost 3.3kg (7lb or half a stone) since my last official weigh in and 8.5kg (18.7lbs or 1 stone and 4lbs) since the start of the diet. That’s ridiculous. You can’t lose half a stone of fat in a week. Clearly my weight is all over the place and it’s probably because of fluid.

I have been a bit more careful about carbs and about meal planning this week. There’s still room for improvement though. I’ve also been starting to think more seriously about exercise. Calorie restriction alone isn’t going to work in the long term.

Exercise is going to be tricky. I have mobility problems, chronic pain and no money. I’ve started with incline pushups and bodyweight squats. I’ve gone from being able to do 4 good form pushups and 1 terrible form squat to 10 and 5 with good form and reasonable speed. My husband has a rowing machine that I’m thinking about using but for some reason haven’t tried out yet.

Ideally I’d like to get back into weight training but with little room in the house, no money for a gym membership, and no easy way to get to a gym it’s going to be tricky. We’re thinking about moving some of the furniture around to make room for weights. I already have some weights and it’s not too expensive to buy more. It’s a decent squat rack and bench that’s going to be expensive. You don’t want to skimp on those because that’s a safety issue.


Last Update. Diet update page

Diet Update 6

This week I have gained 200g. That’s not a lot. Less than half a pound. But it’s the wrong direction.

It’s particularly galling because I have had a thoroughly miserable week sticking to this fucking diet. I have not gone over on calories but I have been much closer to the line and I did go over on carbs on Friday and Saturday. That could mean that the weight gain is down to to fluid but I’m not going to rely on that.

In the future I need to be more careful with carbs, and I need to work on the assumption that either MyFitnessPal is too generous with calories or there’s stuff I’m eating and forgetting to track and not get too close to the line with Calories.

And I need to drink more coffee. I need to get back into the habit of defaulting to a decaf if I get hungry late at night.

EDIT: I weigh myself on a Monday and then write up the diet update but set it to post on a Wednesday. I do this because no-one else should have to deal with my dietary bitching on a Monday. But it does sometimes mean that the information is out of date by the time it’s posted.

When I weighed myself on Monday my weight was up by 200g. When I got curious and weighed myself on Tuesday it was down by 1.3 kg ( that’s nearly 3lbs). I can’t have lost that much fat in 24 hrs so the difference must be down to fluid. As someone with both lipoedema and lymphoedema I can carry a lot of excess fluid. It could also be down to the difference between having eaten enough carbs to have stored some glycogen and having used up the glycogen and not eaten enough carbs to replenish the stores.

All the Diet posts.

Diet Update 3

This week I weighed myself for the second time and my weight was down by 3.5 kg (just under 8lbs for Americans and just over half a stone for Brits). That’s not bad. You always lose more in the first week of any diet and the effect is particularly strong with low carb diets. I probably haven’t lost 3.5 kg of fat. I estimate that 3 kg of that is fluid.

The eating has been fine. I’ve been sticking to my plan and my calorie intake has been under the target every single day, well under on most days. More importantly I think I’ve been fine on the carb targets too. The only thing that’s worrying me about the food side of it is money. If I mess up on the shopping and planning side I’ll be in trouble. There really aren’t many cheap sources of protein. If I run out of food and mostly run out of money I’ll have to fall back on things that are high in carbohydrates and just not satisfying.

Now before anyone starts congratulating me please remember that this weight-loss is still meaningless. You might hear people, even doctors, say “Any weight-loss is good,” but this simply isn’t true. When I weighed myself the first time I was 23 kg lighter than I was at my heaviest (that’s 50lbs for Americans and three and a half stone for Brits). That weight-loss was real and I’ve sustained it for years but it doesn’t count because I’m still fat.

For me dieting is and always has been a hole with no bottom. It’s never going to be enough. It’s never going to fix the problem I have with the mirror. It’s never going to fix the things that are wrong with my body. Dieting is a means without an end.

Links to the previous updates: Update 1. Update 2

Diet Update 2

I’ve been on the diet for several days now and it’s been interesting. I’ve been using Myfitnesspal to track my food intake. Since I’m on a low carb diet I’ve mainly been paying attention to carbs but the app also tracks my calorie intake (although it’s actually tracking Kilojoules because I set it up wrong) and I’ve been well under every day.

The problem with the induction phase of a low carb diet is that it does tend to make you grumpy. And by grumpy I mean likely to fly into a murderous rage with very little warning. It also takes a while to get into the habit of it. You spend a lot of time staring into the fridge wondering what you can eat and then end up just nibbling on cheese.

I still don’t have functioning scales but my Mother-in-law has offered to give me a new set for my birthday. That means I’ll be able to tell how much weight I’m not losing. I jest. I probably will lose some weight. It’s just depressing to know that it will never be enough.

And that’s the real reason that I’m so pissed off about going on this diet. No matter how hard I try, no matter how much weight I lose I already know that it’s not going to be enough. The Lipoedema means that while I might get thinner I’ll never be thin enough for society. The hangover from my youthful dalliance with anorexia means that I’ll never be satisfied with what I see in the mirror. The additional weight from the Lipoedema fat cells and all the fluid they trap means that there’s no point even asking about knee replacement surgery. It’s highly unlikely that my weight loss will do anything to fix any of my underlying problems.

This diet is just me torturing myself in the hope that if I can stand the torture long enough my doctor might take me seriously.

link to Diet Update 1

Diet Update 1

Further to my post about the joke that is my life I have decided to begin a diet. Or a fucking diet as I will certainly be calling it. Since misery loves company I’m going to be keeping you all updated on my progress.

I’ve already begun the preparation for the diet. It’s going to be a high protein low carb diet because that’s the only diet that’s ever worked for me. A large part of the prep is larder management. I’ve been eating my way through the foods that I won’t be able to eat on the diet and that are most likely to tempt me to slip. I’ve been restocking the kitchen with the foods that I will be able to eat.

I’ve also begun the habit of tracking my eating using an app. That way I wont have to worry about building two new habits (low carb eating and tracking the food) at the same time. Frustrated and hangry is not the state of mind to be learning a complicated tracking app.

The other thing I’ve been doing this week is mastering my new coffee maker. It was a birthday gift from my other half. It makes coffee using the power of Science! It’s a syphon coffee maker that uses heat to create a partial vacuum and it looks like magic, or at least alchemy. It’s important for the diet because coffee is an appetite suppressant and practically everything else I really enjoy is off limits due to either diet, disability or finances. If you’re interested you can check out this Amazon affiliates link to the one I use.

If anyone is interested in my choice of coffee I will probably get round to posting about that at some point too.