+++COUNCIL INSTRUCTS PROPERTY DEVELOPER TO INCLUDE GAY VENUE ON THE SITE OF THE JOINER’S ARMS+++TOWER HAMLETS MAYOR’S OFFICE WILL SEND IN INSPECTORS TO MAKE SURE IT IS GAY ENOUGH+++
+++LONDON MAYOR DEMANDS URGENT ACTION TO HALT THE DECLINE OF LGBT BARS+++LONDON MAYOR’S OFFICE PUSHING PLANNERS TO DO MORE TO PROTECT LGBT VENUES+++
Authorities in London are worried that the nightlife of the city is insufficiently gay and they are taking steps. That’s something I never thought I would see. For most of my life LGBT venues needed preserving from city authorities not by them.
So how will they check that the new venue is gay enough? The reader who sent me the the link imagines an undercover LGBT Inspector’s report would go something like this:
Inspector’s Report on the Joiner’s Arms:
Entered the club at 20:10., three adult males seen dancing topless on the dance floor. Two women observed kissing in booth at the back. Approached bar and was served at 20:21. Drinks on offer included 3 types of wkd, various vodkas and standard selection of lager. By 23:39 an eligible gentleman had been approached. Left club with said gentleman at 02:30 the following day.
The new Joiner’s Arms shows satisfactory levels of LGBT+ activity.
Poppers should be offered at the bar.
Change Drag night from Tuesday to Saturday.
I’m predicting a 6.9% increase in the chance of Zeppelin sightings over London. These will be the rare rainbow Zeppelins associated with the LGBT+ future utopia that Captain Jack Harkness off of Doctor Who will be born into sometime in the future.
I, for one, welcome our fabulous overlords. It’s getting dangerously dystopian round here. Sign me up for the glitter and the loud music.
Follow the Zeppelin link to the rest of the Zeppelin posts.
Once again I return to the subject of how messed up everything is right now. For those who’ve missed my previous posts on the subject the title of this one is a joke about how in fiction Zeppelins are often a signifier of alternative reality.
If you’ve studied much history you’ll know that sometimes stuff happened that makes us look back and wonder exactly what Clio (muse of history) was smoking. There was a time when tulips were so sought after that a single bulb could sell for more than a house. There was a time when Britain used opium to pick two fights with China because China wouldn’t sell Britian enough tea and somehow Britain won. There was a time when armed gangs roamed the wild west of the U.S. battling over the remains of ancient monsters . There’s a period of European history (1870 -1914) known as the Great Binge because everyone who could afford it was constantly off their faces with a combination of drugs and alcohol. In 1932 Australia went to war against Emus (actual birds) and lost.
I think that we’re living through one of those periods right now. In the future people are going to look back and wonder if the train of reality somehow jumped its tracks. That’s assuming that there is a future and that the people alive then will have anything to look back on other than a giant crater.
Lets take a look at some of the fun things that have happened in little over a year:
- Widespread clown panics that suddenly stopped when a man many deride as a clown was elected to lead the United States of America.
- The British Electorate voted to leave the EU and then the British Government tried to aggressively implement that vote without apparently having any sort of map or plan about how to do it.
- The Northern Irish Assembly fell apart over a financial scandal, there still isn’t a new Assembly in place, but Northern Ireland voted against leaving the EU so Ireland could be about to reunify? Maybe?
- Scotland votes to remain in the EU. The UK Government refuses to let Scotland remain without the rest of the UK. The SNP led Scottish Government votes to hold a referendum on Independence (again). The UK Prime Minister, Theresa May, calls this decision divisive and says that it’s the wrong time and continues to say that right up until she calls a snap General Election that she had repeatedly said the could not and would not call.
- In the wake of the election of a reality TV star with zero relevant experience or expertise the US begins a slide into a dystopian failed state. This slide is repeatedly halted by lawyers working for free and judges who’ve somehow become the enemy of the establishment. Scientists steal back their own climate science data before the White House deletes it. The US parks service goes rogue and leads the resistance.
- The French presidential election is going to be a runoff between a fascist and the representative of a new political movement who is most famous for having married his former school teacher.
- The apparent terrorist attack on a German Soccer team bus turned out to be an attempted financial scam by stock price manipulation.
- The government of Chechnya has decided that now is the perfect time for a gay genocide. Presumably they think that Trump will distract everyone.
- Marco Rubio, previously not a friend of LGBTQA rights, stands up and denounces the gay genocide. Has he discovered that he actually has both a spine and a conscience or this this just because Ramzan Kadyrov, leader of Chechnya, is Vladimir Putin’s other boyfriend?
- Russia has built a replica of the German parliament, the Reichstag, so the army could re-enact storming it. There is nothing at all threatening about the fact that the replica is based on the contemporary Reichstag rather than the way it looked in 1945 when the Red Army actually stormed it.
- Kim Jong Un, the world’s favourite cosplay dictator, is so upset by now being the third or fourth craziest world leader that he has tried to pick a fight with the US. Presumably he’s banking on Donald Trump not knowing where North Korea is and launching missiles at North Virginia instead.
- In the US the Republican Party narrowly avoids another Government shutdown in the face of opposition from the Republican president and the Republican held Senate and House of Representatives. The Democrats are confused by the Republicans taking the positions as both the party of government and the party of opposition. Democrats may have to start disguising themselves as Republicans in order to more effectively oppose the policies of the President. Or maybe judges. Or Scientists. Or park rangers.
Am I in a coma or something? Is this all a hallucination? The rest of you are seeing this stuff too, right?