+++COUNCIL INSTRUCTS PROPERTY DEVELOPER TO INCLUDE GAY VENUE ON THE SITE OF THE JOINER’S ARMS+++TOWER HAMLETS MAYOR’S OFFICE WILL SEND IN INSPECTORS TO MAKE SURE IT IS GAY ENOUGH+++
+++LONDON MAYOR DEMANDS URGENT ACTION TO HALT THE DECLINE OF LGBT BARS+++LONDON MAYOR’S OFFICE PUSHING PLANNERS TO DO MORE TO PROTECT LGBT VENUES+++
Authorities in London are worried that the nightlife of the city is insufficiently gay and they are taking steps. That’s something I never thought I would see. For most of my life LGBT venues needed preserving from city authorities not by them.
So how will they check that the new venue is gay enough? The reader who sent me the the link imagines an undercover LGBT Inspector’s report would go something like this:
Inspector’s Report on the Joiner’s Arms:
Entered the club at 20:10., three adult males seen dancing topless on the dance floor. Two women observed kissing in booth at the back. Approached bar and was served at 20:21. Drinks on offer included 3 types of wkd, various vodkas and standard selection of lager. By 23:39 an eligible gentleman had been approached. Left club with said gentleman at 02:30 the following day.
The new Joiner’s Arms shows satisfactory levels of LGBT+ activity.
Poppers should be offered at the bar.
Change Drag night from Tuesday to Saturday.
I’m predicting a 6.9% increase in the chance of Zeppelin sightings over London. These will be the rare rainbow Zeppelins associated with the LGBT+ future utopia that Captain Jack Harkness off of Doctor Who will be born into sometime in the future.
I, for one, welcome our fabulous overlords. It’s getting dangerously dystopian round here. Sign me up for the glitter and the loud music.
Follow the Zeppelin link to the rest of the Zeppelin posts.