I have not been well

For the first time in months I haven’t hit my preferred posting schedule. It’s because I have not been well. Or in the vernacular of my homeland, “Ah’ve been nae weel”.

I’ve had an infected cyst and it’s been super painful. I’m now on antibiotics and almost back to my normal levels of nae weelness.

I’ve been dealing with the pain with a combination of regular painkillers, vaping CBD and playing Just Cause 3 on the PS4. It’s free this month to anyone with a Playstation Plus subscription. This is not exactly a review because I am not a reviewer. It’s just information for anyone else who might need distracting from pain or from the existential horror of life in 2017.

I’m not sure that Just Cause 3 is a good game but it’s certainly a fun one. There’s a lot of violence but so far not much gore. It’s funny but only if your sense of humour is like mine: as black as the earl of Hell’s waistcoat. You do have to hang up some of your critical faculties to enjoy it properly because the protagonist has to be mildly superhuman to pull off most of the stuff he does but his abilities have so far not been adequately explained.

If it’s distraction you’re looking for then this game does it well. It’s pretty to look at, the voice acting is excellent, the in game music is subtle but compelling, and the plot is interesting enough to drive the action but not so much that you don’t want to stop and do the challenges and side quests. There’s a variety of gameplay though there’s not much of a stealth option and I personally find the vehicle controls on the PS4 controller a bit shonky. This is a game that kept me entertained when the pain wouldn’t let me sleep and I had to wait for the antibiotics to work.

Also there’s a David Tennant voice cameo as the person kidnapped by the regime to do the radio announcements.

As I say it’s currently free on Playstation Plus and available cheap in any second hand games emporium. Or on Amazon it’s available for XBox One, PC and PS4. The XBox and PC versions are less than £15 but the the PS4 one is the gold edition and is more than £30.


I can deal with the pain it’s the frustration that really hurts.

So the CBD oil that I’ve been talking about in previous posts here and here is definitely working.

My background levels of pain have greatly reduced and it’s now easier to deal with breakthrough pain. However my right knee has clearly decided to be a horrible bitch about things. It’s swollen and it’s grinding and it won’t reliably bend and it hurts whenever I do foolish things like stand up or sit down or roll over in bed.

And something else has decided to flare up. Something really painful. Something that I really need to see a doctor about but I was too late this morning to get an appointment and I have stuff to do tomorrow that can’t be moved and if I leave it till Friday to see the doctor then I will have reached my own personal defcon 10 of pain.

That’s not 10 out of 10 on the pain scale. That level of pain is just screaming until it stops. Defcon 10 is out of my mind with pain, distraction and frustration. It’s a result of having to just put up with a level and type and location of pain that no-one should have to put up with. Defcon 10 is dangerous because it makes me want to knife 40 people at random. Hopefully the CBD oil will help with this kind of pain.

If anyone is interested I will post links to the kind of vape pen, cartridges and oil I’m using.

Spoonie blues.

The other day I was regaling you will tails of my epic laundry fail. It turned out that failure was not done with me that day.

You see I had more chores to do. I had to leave the house and get on a bus and go to actual shops to buy things because I was out of deodorant and we were getting low on chocolate and cheese and that’s an emergency in my house. The chocolate and cheese is an emergency, the deodorant not so much. However it turned out that I had made a horrible miscalculation.

I knew when I was cleaning the kitchen and doing the laundry that I had to save some spoons for going out (if you’re confused by the spoon reference please see this explanation of spoon theory). I thought I was being careful: I cut corners on the cleaning, I didn’t go looking for additional laundry, and I had a sit down and a decaff before leaving the house. It was all for naught because by the time I got off the bus on the way home I was moving in slow motion. When I actually got home my body was sending my brain so many error messages that I couldn’t speak properly. In short I was in negative spoons.

Being in negative spoons is no joke. Your body wont co-operate, your brain isn’t working properly and everything either hurts or is numb. And it doesn’t stop there. There’s a hangover from negative spoons. Those additional spoons I used that I didn’t actually have had to come from somewhere. They came from the future. When you’re in a spoon deficit it means that you’ve borrowed spoons from tomorrow and they must be re-payed with interest. But when you’re borrowing the spoons you don’t know how much interest you’ll be paying back or for how long. I could be paying back those spoons for days. And wearing pink while I do it.


Still resting

I’m not dead and my abscess is draining so I should get better but I am still not working.

This is what I worried about and why, originally, I only gave myself a single day off.  I worry that if I get out of the habit of working it could take months to get it back. I still feel like I should work no matter how sick I am.  And yet, if I was employed by someone else I wouldn’t be expected to come into work while recovering (I live in the UK, it might be different where you live).

If I was advising a friend I would say to take the time to get better.  Why is it so hard to give myself that advice?

The best laid plans…

As I write it is at the end of my second day of rest and, apart from this, I’ve written nothing.  I also haven’t gone shopping or cleaned the kitchen.

I am unwell.  And not even my usual level of unwellness.  I’ve just finished a weeks course of antibiotics and I still have a really nasty abscess.  I’m in a lot of pain (that’s a lot of pain by my standards) and I’m feeling dizzy and sick and tired.  Since the first course of antibiotics hasn’t fixed it that means I have to go back to the doctor and get a new course.  They will probably be a lot stronger. Last time I had the really strong antibiotics I spent most of the week in bed.

It’s possible I’ll get nothing done for a week.  Which is really frustrating.  I am so close to being able to send the last part of the novel to my beta readers. I have ideas for blog posts.  I want to finish the story for the fiction blog. I actually want to clean the kitchen.