Sunday Update 30/09

This week it feels like I have got very little done. I’ve mainly been crocheting, playing Destiny 2, and working on my current novel.

Well, I say working. It’s mostly been staring at it, writing one new sentance, deleting that sentence, adding a word or two to an existing sentence, deleting those words and then reading the same fucking paragraph yet again. Everything I do to improve it just makes the next bit harder. I’ve now reached an impasse where I can’t transition from the scene I’m working on to the next scene because the ways I’ve changed this scene mean that the existing transition no longer makes sense.

As regular readers will remember my mother broke both arms and as a result has had a shoulder replacement. She’s now recovering and undergoing rehabilitation in a different hospital even further north. I’ve been crocheting a poncho for her as she’s having difficulty with sleeves. The first poncho should be finished tonight and I’ll post it tomorrow. Then I’ll have to find the money for the yarn to make some more. I was able to use some chunky yarn that I already had for the first poncho but I want to make her something really nice and that means more expensive yarn. Any donations made via my Ko-Fi link this week will go towards buying nice yarn.

I did get a post out this week on the subject of Destiny 2 and I have continued to play it. I’m sure I’ll stop having quite so much fun with it at some point but not yet.

My slow preparation for the Brexit stockpile continues. I’ve found a source of instant ramen noodles that are tasty and cheap. I’ll have to build up a stock of ingredients to go in the noodles though. We’ll need to add vegetables of some kind to ensure something approaching a balanced diet and maybe some source of protein. I’d love to make my own Kimchee to add to the noodles in the Korean style but I’m not sure that I can afford the home fermentation kit necessary and I don’t want to invest in something that I might not be organized enough to use.

You’re maybe thinking that it doesn’t sound like I’ve done much this week and wondering what else I’ve done with my time. Have you seen the news? I have and as a result I’ve spent most of this week seething. It’s hard to read the news without experiencing a horrible sense of panic and deja vu. Britain plunges on towards a cliff edge marked Brexit and the US discovers that the Republican party has completely forgotten what the Supreme Court is supposed to be (hint: impartial for one thing).

In my life I’ve had to learn over and over again that the world is not fair, that the rules that apply to me don’t apply to people with more money. power or status than me. People with less money, power or status than me face far stricter punishments for breaking those rules and have to deal with extra rules that I won’t even know about unless I make an effort to seek out their narratives and learn from them. Obstacles that I deal with every single day are invisible to the people who don’t have to deal with them.

I believe that our problems are fixable but we all have to admit that they exist in order to fix them. How is that going to happen as long as the people with the money and the power and the status have so little incentive to do anything about it?

What I’m trying to say is that I have no faith in the the government in either the US or here in the UK. The ‘due process’ that they are so fond of talking about is not some impartial system of justice. It exists to serve the interests of those in power. The people in power used to pretend to fear consequences but it was always largely optional and now they don’t even pretend. There may be nothing that we, the ordinary people, can do to ensure that our governments actually follow our will but at least we can try. If we don’t try we will regret it in the days to come.


The other kind of plan

In my previous post I talked about my writing plans. This is a post about my real life plans.

I don’t do a lot of planning. I’m very bad at it and my experience of life has led me to conclude that it’s mostly pointless and will only make me miserable. It doesn’t matter what I want, what I plan, or what I work for because I’m not going to get it no matter what I do. It hurts less to just accept whatever hellish hand life is going to deal you and work from there.

And since we’re on the subject of hellish hands it’s time to talk about Brexit. Britain is getting closer to crashing out of the EU with no deal. I know that some people say that wiser heads will prevail and it won’t happen or that it will somehow all be fine. I don’t believe in either of those.

I believe in preparing for the worst. Scotland will be dragged out of the EU along with the rest of the UK. There will be no deal. International trade will slow to a crawl. There will be food shortages. There will probably be some sort of rationing but the people organising that rationing are going to be the people who got us into this mess so I don’t expect it to be competent or organised. At the very least I expect shop shelves to look pretty bare for a couple of months.

I can’t afford to wait until the new year to start my food stockpile. As we get closer to the deadline the prices of canned and dried foods are going to rise. I need to start putting aside food now. I need to work out which foods my other half is prepared to eat, what we can afford and where we’re going to keep it all.

I’ve chosen to begin with noodles. Dried noodles keep for ages and can easily be combined with stock and frozen, canned or dried ingredients to make something filling and tasty. Noodles can also work well with pickled foods and home pickling is something I also plan to look into.

I’m open to suggestions so if anyone has any ideas for recipies feel free to share them in the comments.

I’m not dead I just don’t have anything to say

I’ve been so quiet recently because I don’t feel like I have much to say. This is unusual for me but then these are unusual times. It’s hard to find something to say when just looking at the state of the world makes you want to scream.

I try not to be distracted by all the horrible stuff that I can’t do anything about but I can’t pick something to focus on. I’m drifting. I was working on a novel but then I put that on hold to work on something that I could pitch at Bloody Scotland. I’ve submitted my short pitch but I’m not working on that novel just now because I don’t really expect them to want it. I started work on the prep for a new novel so I’ll have something to write for NaNoWriMo but shouldn’t I go back to finishing the one I was working on?

I suppose the real problem is that it all feels pointless. Everything seems pointless. I am one of the little people and there’s not much I can do about anything. I’m at the mercy of events driven by people with so much money and power that they don’t have to worry about the consequences of their actions. I’d be better spending my time learning more about growing vegetables and stockpiling cans so we can survive Brexit.

The Mathematics of Scottish Independence

Recently an English friend that I haven’t seen in ages suggested that I might hate all things English. I suspect that she thinks that because of all the pro Scottish Independence stuff I post on Facebook. I felt hurt at first but then I realised that it’s not her fault. The London based media has been lying to her about the Scottish Independence movements for years.

Yes I said movements. As in it’s not just the SNP. The Green party is pro independence, so are the various socialist parties. There are pro independent Labour supporters. There are unaffiliated groups like Women for Independence and YesBikers. Most of us don’t hate the English. Particularly not English Scots For Yes – a group of English born people who are vocal in their support for independence and their belief in an inclusive future for Scotland.

Of course that proves nothing. There are pro Trump gay republicans but that doesn’t change the homophobic and transphobic nature of his administration. Saying that some English people are pro-independence therefore it’s not anti-English is like saying that you can’t be racist because you have a black friend.

I’d like my English readers to put their preconceived notions about the SNP and Scottish Nationalism and the Union to one side for a moment and look at the maths.

  1. The first past the post system used for Westminster elections inevitably skews to a two party system.
  2. The Scottish electorate is too small to influence who wins at a Westminster election
  3. Since the Scottish electorate can’t get them into power the Westminster parties have no reason to pay attention to the needs of the Scottish electorate.
  4. Therefore Scotland puts more into the Union than it gets out.

You don’t have to believe me on the problem with first past the post. Here’s CGP Grey explaining.


The Scottish population, and thus electorate is tiny compared to the rest of the UK. If you don’t believe me you only have to look at the last two elections. In each one the whole Scottish electorate could have voted Labour and we would still have a Conservative Government.

Once upon a time this wasn’t such a huge problem. The industrial working class in Scotland could make common cause with the workers in north of England and south Wales. Scottish farmers had the same interests as farmers in the rest of the UK. The Peterhead fishing fleet could unite with the fishermen of Cornwall and Suffolk. It’s become a problem because the rest of the UK has swung to the right politically and because advances in polling mean that politicians now know who they have to appeal to in order to win at Westminster and it’s never us.

I know that you’ve been told that Scotland is dependent on the Union. That Scotland is a nation of subsidy junkies. Think about who it is that’s tell you this. The same people that won’t subsidise a spare room for a disabled child’s medical equipment want you to believe that they’re subsidising an entire nation. In the end it doesn’t really matter though. If Scotland is a drain on the rest of the UK then we should be taking responsibility for our own economy and standing on our own feet. If it isn’t then the UK Government has been lying to all of us and basically stealing from Scotland.

In the future these mathematical inequalities will only get worse. Westminster politicians are stuck chasing thinner and thinner slices of the electorate who can actually affect the outcome of the election. Scotland didn’t vote for Brexit and it will probably be  worse for us than for the rest of the UK but we’re stuck with it. See my Tapas Bar post for how that feels. The Scotland that’s depicted in the UK press looks nothing like the Scotland I see when I look around. It’s starting to look like the UK government is ramping up to remove powers from the Scottish Government, maybe even get rid of the Scottish Parliament completely.


Bonus Maths:  When London hosted the 2012 Olympics the whole of the UK paid for it, including Scotland. The Scottish share of the bill was at least £165 million. When Glasgow hosted the 2014 Commonwealth Games it was paid for by Scotland. The rUK share of the bill was ZERO. The new Queensferry bridge across the Firth of Forth was paid for entirely by the Scottish Government. Scotland is paying towards the cost of the HS2 rail project even though it doesn’t come north of the border and will probably increase travel times from Edinburgh to London. Estimates of the exact share paid by Scottish taxpayers vary and the oft quoted £3.64 billion estimate is from an anti HS2 organisation.

The Tapas Bar Analogy

The other morning I was lying in bed thinking about the Scottish Independence referendum, Brexit  and the now probably inevitable IndyRef2. I was thinking about how to explain to my husband’s English relatives how the whole thing looks from this side of the border. I came up with the Tapas Bar Analogy.

You’ve gone out to a Tapas Bar with your two friends. They’re physically bigger than you and they have more money. You like the Tapas and the bar but your “friends” keep ordering on behalf of the whole table. They keep ordering stuff you don’t like, eating the few things you do like and you’ve already agreed to split the bill. Whenever you bring this up they tell you to shut up because you have less money than them and your share of the bill is smaller. Now you feel guilty because they clearly don’t think you’re paying your way.

So you say, “Let me move up the table and start my own tab. That way I’ll only have to pay for the stuff I like and you wont have to worry about me paying my share.”

They do not like this suggestion. They take it personally. They get really upset (maybe you have a discount card or maybe the waitress is flirting with you). They beg you to stay, they say they’ll let you order, they offer to buy the next round of drinks, they even suggest that the Tapas Bar might not let you order for just one person. You’re in two minds about it but eventually you agree to stay.

At which point they let you choose which one of the 3, nearly identical potato dishes, you’re going to share. Then they insist that since you chose it you can pay for it. The next round is water. They ignore or insult everything you say.

Then they get really suspicious that the staff are all illegal immigrants. They decide that you should all go somewhere else, somewhere better and when you disagree they physically drag you out of the bar. At which point it becomes clear that they don’t actually have a plan. They don’t have anywhere better in mind and everywhere else seems to be closed.

It’s cold and dark and you’re stuck outside the warmth of the Tapas Bar pleading with the bouncer to be allowed back in while your “friends” try to persuade you that you’re better off with them.

The Illusion of Control.

One of the hardest things adults have to do is to deal with the fact of our own powerlessness. This is not a thing we like to talk about. They don’t make motivational posters about it.  The terrible paradox of adulthood is that we’re responsible for ourselves and those who rely on us but we often have very little control over what happens.

Oh how we love to cling to the illusion of control. To the idea that self sufficiency is possible. We cook a meal from scratch and we’re proud of how we did it for ourselves all while ignoring the hundreds of other humans who farmed, gathered or caught the basic ingredients and they many thousands of others in the supply chain that got it to our kitchens. We are none of us independent.

And we have so little control over our circumstances.  This time last week I was a European. I was a citizen of the EU with all the benefits and responsibility that entails. It’s a pretty sweet deal – guaranteed human rights, safety at work regulations and freedom of movement.  This week not so much. And there was nothing I could do about it.

I voted, as most other Scots did, to remain in the EU. There was nothing I could do to stop the lies told by the pro-Brexit politicians that were magnified by the pro-Brexit press and then repeated by the BBC and others. I can demonstrate all the critical thinking in the world but it will still only be seen by the people I know. I can look at a headline in the pro-Brexit press and know that it’s a lie and I can find the paragraph in the body of the article that proves it but that’s not going to change anyone’s mind.

Now we are out of Europe. My money is worth less than it was last week. Soon prices will rise. I have no control over either of those facts. Oh sure I can choose what to spend my meager funds on but I’ve got no control on how far they go and you can only cut back so much.

My First Minister is in Europe right now trying to negotiate for Scotland to stay but it’s not looking good.  The EU is angry enough at the UK to want to give us all a sound kicking. The future of the EU relies on persuading wobbly member states that leaving sucks. You’d think they’d be delighted to let Scotland stay but that would mean recognising Scotland as a country in its own right and some member states (Looking at Spain here) would rather fuck Scotland over than risk their own autonomous regions getting the idea that they could be countries too.

So my country could be stuck in limbo for 2 years or more. We can go for another referendum but we’ve seen twice now how many of the press will straight up lie to get what they want and how few of the people are good at spotting that. The Westminster Government is likely to be hardened against the idea of Scottish Independence. They may refuse permission to hold the referendum and they might ignore the result if they don’t like it. There’s a part of me that wonders how they’d stop us if we really wanted to leave but there’s another part of me that really doesn’t want to find out.

My life is considerably more fucked than it was this time last week and there’s nothing I can do or could have done to change any of this.

I don’t have a snappy conclusion to add to this. Just hold each other. Tell the people you love that you love them. Be grateful for what you have but know that no matter how hard you worked for it there are others out there who worked just as hard and got nothing.

I’m not suggesting that effort is useless, just that it’s not the only factor. So I’ll leave you with a saying that my Dad was fond of. He used to quote a famous golfer (I don’t know which one, probably Gary Player or Lee Travino) who said of a ‘lucky’ shot, “The more I practice the luckier I get.” It’s a good thing to remember. It’s also important to remember that golfers often get hit by lightning.